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High School P.A. System

Human Cloning: Dangerous. Amoral. Hilarious.

Unfortunately, the secrets of the world’s most expensive and ambitious cloning project remain a mystery. A secret mystery best revealed in the form of a hit animated teen comedy from MTV and Corus Entertainment’s Nelvana. Rumors of a so-called “Clone High, U.S.A.” began sixteen years ago, when a renegade band of scientists allegedly dug up history’s most celebrated personalities, extracted their DNA, and cloned them. Now these historical figures are teenagers, and are being secretly monitored as they attend high school in a secret planned community… which begs the questions: if it’s so secret, how do we know about it? And why is this press release being sent out? And why will it be broadcast on international television? The answer to this question, and any other question that has ever haunted you will be answered this Fall. Answered with laughter. Until then, remember: if you take anything away from this, let it be this: Clone High is a secret never to be divulged to anyone.


Abraham Lincoln
Take that tall, awkward, skinny kid you went to high school with, throw in the DNA of the 16th President of the United States, stir gently, and salt to taste. That’s our Abe. While the original Abraham Lincoln spent his time freeing the slaves and preserving the Union, this Abe is dealing with issues just as important to him, like being popular and getting a date for the Late Fall-Early Winter Pre-Exam Prom. Abe is ambitious just like his “clone father” but his number one goal is winning the affection of the sexy and beguiling Cleopatra. So smitten is Abe with Cleo, that he’s oblivious to the infatuation of his good friend Joan of Arc. Abe would love to be like his clone father, but he has a long way to go. And with his lifelong chum Gandhi feeding him plenty of bad advice, he has an even longer way to go.

Being the clone of Mahatma Gandhi is a lot to live up to. So instead of crusading for a free and harmonious India, our Gandhi tries, and fails, to be the ultimate party animal. Fortunately for us, this clone buckled under the pressure of living up to his legacy, and instead gets himself and best friend Abraham Lincoln, into wacky schemes week after hilarious week. In his quest to be the life of the party, Gandhi continuously gets himself in awkward and embarrassing situations, but keeps a positive attitude and always finds the will to spout out cliché catch phrases, such as “Shazam!”

Joan of Arc
It’s tough to follow in the footsteps of someone who heard the voice of God at age 13, led the French army at age 17, and was burned at the stake at age 19. Just ask Joan of Arc. She’s managed to accomplish exactly none of these things. But most disappointingly, she can’t even get Abe to see her as more than just “one of the guys.” Sigh. Being Joan of Arc is no picnic, but luckily her cynical attitude and wry wit keep her afloat. She’s a counterculture girl who isn’t afraid to speak her mind while she searches for deeper meaning and artistry in the shallowness of high school.

Being queen of Egypt is no small accomplishment, but neither is being queen of Clone High. For that matter, neither is creating a hit TV show. But we have done it, my friend. Anyway, Cleopatra has taken it upon herself to be this queen, using her sexiness and smarts to rule everyone and everything in her high school empire. Cleo puts pressure on herself to be the best at everything she does, which is why she gets straight A’s, plays multiple sports, and still has time to be the president of every club at Clone High. She’s the desire of every man at school, including Abe and JFK, who often find themselves competing for her attention in a highly comical manner.

John F. Kennedy
Much like his clone father, JFK is a smooth-talking, charismatic ladies-man who’s both intelligent and compassionate, except that he’s neither intelligent nor compassionate. Maybe he’s only aware of the playboy aspect of the late, great American president, or maybe he’s just compensating because of his two gay foster dads. Either way, this womanizing, vain, and oftentimes inconsiderate clone provides Clone High with endless comedy and rock-hard abs.


Principal Cinnamon J. Scudworth
The evil mastermind behind the creation of Clone High, Scudworth is two villains in one: a mad scientist and a principal. This power hungry madman is bent on world domination, which is a problem since he’s not particularly powerful. In fact, he’s more of a corporate middleman controlled by an Evil Board of Shadowy Figures above him. Nevertheless, he will use what limited power he has to run his clone students through his twisted experiments, bizarre detention rituals and elaborate death mazes. His thirst for power is matched only by his obsession with popular culture. That explains why he built his robotic sitcom-style butler, Mr. Butlertron. (Mr. B. for short.)

Mr. Butlertron
A creation from the hands of Scudworth, Mr. B has always been there for him, as well as the clones. Not only the personal servant to Scudworth, but also a friend and a roommate. He's been through the tough times and is a reliable person to talk with, especially with that fancy red sweater. A repository for answers; both in calculations and in relationships.

Board of Shadowy Figures
Not much is known about them besides they work for a top secret government organization that is working with raising historical leaders for their own purposes.


Episode 1 "Escape to Beer Mountain: A Rope of Sand"
Written by Phil Lord & Christopher Miller and Bill Lawrence
Abe Lincoln has got the hots for the beautiful and popular Cleopatra, and hopes to make his move at JFK's party. But JFK, who's also looking to score with Cleo, won't let Abe come unless he brings the beer. The only question is -- how will he get it? Meanwhile, Goth chick Joan of Arc tries to win Abe's heart through community service, starting a Teen Hotline to help her peers deal with the pressures of being clones. All the while, Principal Scudworth and his robotic sidekick Mr. Butlerton crash the party in an attempt to better understand the students. And that nutty Gandhi? He forwards calls from the hotline to his cell phone so he can go to the party.
Episode 2 "Episode Two: Election Blu-Galoo"
Written by Phil Lord & Christopher Miller
When Cleopatra learns she can't run for Student Body President due to term limits, she convinces JFK to run as her puppet. But when Abe sees that Cleo has a thing for leaders, he throws his stovepipe hat into the ring. The students of Clone High don't care about real issues, so Abe must resort to extreme marketing. He does so with the help of a corporate sponsor -- "X-Stream Blu," a mysterious new food product to which Gandhi becomes hopelessly addicted. (Marilyn Manson guest stars as himself, a singing nutritionist.)
Episode 3 "A.D.D.: The Last 'D' is for Disorder"
Written by Tom Martin
When Gandhi is diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (A.D.D.), everyone thinks you can catch it from toilet seats. Abe Lincoln must decide whether to stand up for his best dude or join Cleo in ostracizing him. Meanwhile, Principal Scudworth borrows Mr. Butlertron's sweater vest, which he believes gives him the power to relate to the Clone High students. Also, Joan of Arc hears the voice of God. (Basic cable's Tom Green guest stars as A.D.D.'s most famous victim, Tom Green.)
Episode 4 "Film Fest: Tears of a Clone"
Written by Erica Rivinoja
In the annual Clone High Film Festival, Abe Lincoln pours his heart into a movie about a football-playing giraffe, Cleopatra stars in an epic about her own perfect life, Joan of Arc directs an avant-garde film declaring her love for Abe, and Gandhi teams up with George Washington Carver for a hilarious mixed-race action comedy, Black and Tan. Plus, Principal Scudworth panics when his bosses come over for dinner, but the loyal Mr. B keeps his cool. Butler-wise.
Episode 5 "Sleep of Faith: La Rue D'Awakening"
Written by Murray Miller & Judah Miller
It's PXJT/NMSQT season again, but Abe Lincoln is losing sleep running errands for his beloved Cleopatra. Joan's concern about Abe's fatigue uncovers her own dark secret regarding sleep depravation. Gandhi, overwhelmed by the pressure of the PXJT/NMSQT, decides to spurn the test and become a trucker instead. And Mr. Butlertron meets an old foe: a cocksure test-grading machine. (Scrubs' John C. McGinley guest stars as the creepy trucker.)

Episode 6 "Homecoming: A Shot in D'Arc"
Written by Eric Kentoff
When Joan of Arc learns that the boys' basketball team doesn't allow girls or animals to play, she disguises herself as the male "John Dark," and becomes the star player. Cleopatra falls for John, which makes team-captain Abe Lincoln jealous. And JFK can't figure out why he has funny feelings for a guy… even one as feminine as John. Meanwhile, Gandhi steals the mascot of Clone High's rival school, Genetically Engineered Superhuman High. (ESPN's Chris Berman and Dan Patrick guest star as themselves.)

Click here to see MHCH Refuge make the deleted ending from this episode. (Rough job; done for a class project; you may have to scroll down the page)

Episode 7 "Plane Crazy: Gate Expectations"
Written by Tom Martin
When Cleopatra meets Ashley Angel from O-Town on a Spring Break dance show, her new relationship with Abe Lincoln is threatened. Meanwhile, Gandhi becomes an international rap sensation with the help of JFK as his manager. And Principal Scudworth? He chases a rascally skunk. (Ashley Angel from TV's manufactured boy band O-Town guest stars.)
Episode 8 "Raisin the Stakes: A Rock Opera in Three Acts"
Written by Phil Lord & Christopher Miller
When the students learn they can get high from smoking raisins, they embark on a magical, musical journey of irresponsibility. Sober Joan of Arc tries to keep Abe from turning into a cliché drugged-out, tree-hugging hippie, while Principal Scudworth and the PTA build a giant Wall of Oppression to fence the students in. Also, Gandhi goes on an adventure through his subconscious where he encounters an Italian talking pencil, a two-headed Olsen Twins monster, an Australian dragon, and a hummingbird-unicorn-donkey creature on his quest to rescue a princess. Just another day at Clone High. (Jack Black and Don "Father Guido Sarducci" Novello guest star.)
Episode 9 "A Room of One's Clone: The Pie of the Storm"
Written by Adam Pava
When Joan of Arc's house burns down, she is forced to move in with Cleopatra, and obligatory conflict ensues. Abe attends a Conflict Mediation Seminar to learn how to more effectively resolve disputes between his best friend and girlfriend. Gandhi and JFK get in an argument over a smoothie Meanwhile, Mr. B grows jealous when Principal Scudworth is given a toy robotic dog.
Episode 10 "Litter Kills: Litterally"
Written by Murray Miller & Judah Miller
One of Clone High's main characters dies in this very special episode. To say more would give too much away, but suffice it to say, the loss hits JFK the hardest (maybe it's he who dies?), threatens to break up Abe Lincoln and Cleopatra (maybe it's one of them that dies?), and Gandhi is thrown in jail (okay, it's not Gandhi. Or is it?). (Luke Perry guest stars as Ponce de Leon… but maybe we've revealed too much.)
Episode 11 "Snowflake Day: A Very Special Holiday Episode"
Written by Erica Rivinoja
It's All Religions Are Equally Valid Snowflake Day season, and everyone is in the holiday spirit… except Joan of Arc, who is against the commercialism of the made-up holiday. She learns an important message from a homeless urchin who may or may not be an angel, and may or may not be pop sensation Mandy Moore. And with Gandhi's help, Abe embarks on a get-rich-quick scheme so he'll have money to buy Cleopatra a great Snowflake Day present. (The silver screen's Mandy Moore guest stars.)
Episode 12"Makeover, Makeover, Makeover: The Makeover Episode"
(Part One of a two-part Season Finale)
Written by Eric Kentoff As prom mania sweeps through Clone High, Abe Lincoln wants to invite his girlfriend Cleopatra but can't stop thinking about Joan of Arc. Meanwhile, Gandhi goes on a desperate search to find a date. Abe gives Joan a makeover to help her find a date, JFK gives Gandhi a makeover to help him find a date, and Mr. B gives Scudworth a makeover to help him execute a secret, sinister evil plan that involves winning the prom king election. Oh, that sinister Scudworth.
Episode 13 "Changes: The Big Prom: The Sex Romp: The Season Finale" (Part two of a two-part Season Finale)
Written by Phil Lord & Christopher Miller
As the clones attend the winter prom during "One Magical Night at the Meat Locker," the following questions are answered: who did Abe Lincoln ask to the prom? Will Gandhi have to go to the stag? And will Principal Scudworth execute his sinister, evil plan, or will the clones be taken away by the Evil Board of Shadowy Figures for their own sinister, evil plan? Also, brace yourself for a season-finale cliffhanger that will stun the world. (John Stamos guest stars as himself.)
Episode 14 - NEVER COMPLETED "New Positions: Who's Done is Done" (Part three of a two-part Season Finale)
Written by Scott Nichols
Serious changes happen within Clone High. Administration, cafeteria food, clones no longer virgins...
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