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High School P.A. System

Human Cloning: Dangerous. Amoral. Hilarious.

Unfortunately, the secrets of the world’s most expensive and ambitious cloning project remain a mystery. A secret mystery best revealed in the form of a hit animated teen comedy from MTV and Corus Entertainment’s Nelvana. Rumors of a so-called “Clone High, U.S.A.” began sixteen years ago, when a renegade band of scientists allegedly dug up history’s most celebrated personalities, extracted their DNA, and cloned them. Now these historical figures are teenagers, and are being secretly monitored as they attend high school in a secret planned community… which begs the questions: if it’s so secret, how do we know about it? And why is this press release being sent out? And why will it be broadcast on international television? The answer to this question, and any other question that has ever haunted you will be answered this Fall. Answered with laughter. Until then, remember: if you take anything away from this, let it be this: Clone High is a secret never to be divulged to anyone.

Students

Abraham Lincoln
Take that tall, awkward, skinny kid you went to high school with, throw in the DNA of the 16th President of the United States, stir gently, and salt to taste. That’s our Abe. While the original Abraham Lincoln spent his time freeing the slaves and preserving the Union, this Abe is dealing with issues just as important to him, like being popular and getting a date for the Late Fall-Early Winter Pre-Exam Prom. Abe is ambitious just like his “clone father” but his number one goal is winning the affection of the sexy and beguiling Cleopatra. So smitten is Abe with Cleo, that he’s oblivious to the infatuation of his good friend Joan of Arc. Abe would love to be like his clone father, but he has a long way to go. And with his lifelong chum Gandhi feeding him plenty of bad advice, he has an even longer way to go.

Gandhi
Being the clone of Mahatma Gandhi is a lot to live up to. So instead of crusading for a free and harmonious India, our Gandhi tries, and fails, to be the ultimate party animal. Fortunately for us, this clone buckled under the pressure of living up to his legacy, and instead gets himself and best friend Abraham Lincoln, into wacky schemes week after hilarious week. In his quest to be the life of the party, Gandhi continuously gets himself in awkward and embarrassing situations, but keeps a positive attitude and always finds the will to spout out cliché catch phrases, such as “Shazam!”

Joan of Arc
It’s tough to follow in the footsteps of someone who heard the voice of God at age 13, led the French army at age 17, and was burned at the stake at age 19. Just ask Joan of Arc. She’s managed to accomplish exactly none of these things. But most disappointingly, she can’t even get Abe to see her as more than just “one of the guys.” Sigh. Being Joan of Arc is no picnic, but luckily her cynical attitude and wry wit keep her afloat. She’s a counterculture girl who isn’t afraid to speak her mind while she searches for deeper meaning and artistry in the shallowness of high school.

Cleopatra
Being queen of Egypt is no small accomplishment, but neither is being queen of Clone High. For that matter, neither is creating a hit TV show. But we have done it, my friend. Anyway, Cleopatra has taken it upon herself to be this queen, using her sexiness and smarts to rule everyone and everything in her high school empire. Cleo puts pressure on herself to be the best at everything she does, which is why she gets straight A’s, plays multiple sports, and still has time to be the president of every club at Clone High. She’s the desire of every man at school, including Abe and JFK, who often find themselves competing for her attention in a highly comical manner.

John F. Kennedy
Much like his clone father, JFK is a smooth-talking, charismatic ladies-man who’s both intelligent and compassionate, except that he’s neither intelligent nor compassionate. Maybe he’s only aware of the playboy aspect of the late, great American president, or maybe he’s just compensating because of his two gay foster dads. Either way, this womanizing, vain, and oftentimes inconsiderate clone provides Clone High with endless comedy and rock-hard abs.

Conspirators

Principal Cinnamon J. Scudworth
The evil mastermind behind the creation of Clone High, Scudworth is two villains in one: a mad scientist and a principal. This power hungry madman is bent on world domination, which is a problem since he’s not particularly powerful. In fact, he’s more of a corporate middleman controlled by an Evil Board of Shadowy Figures above him. Nevertheless, he will use what limited power he has to run his clone students through his twisted experiments, bizarre detention rituals and elaborate death mazes. His thirst for power is matched only by his obsession with popular culture. That explains why he built his robotic sitcom-style butler, Mr. Butlertron. (Mr. B. for short.)

Mr. Butlertron
A creation from the hands of Scudworth, Mr. B has always been there for him, as well as the clones. Not only the personal servant to Scudworth, but also a friend and a roommate. He's been through the tough times and is a reliable person to talk with, especially with that fancy red sweater. A repository for answers; both in calculations and in relationships.

Board of Shadowy Figures
Not much is known about them besides they work for a top secret government organization that is working with raising historical leaders for their own purposes.

Episodes